Acrylic and pastel on canvas

30” x 40”

2019

I’ve always been quite comfortable with the less-than-happy parts of life that can lead to new depths of feeling and inner work. I remember even as a kid, I would play songs about heartache on repeat, embracing the raw emotion washing over me and welcoming the tears. I have always found myself gravitating towards the transformational gifts of darkness that the light parts of life can’t always offer.

But, somewhere along the way I started feeling encouraged by the world around me to move away from what wasn’t happy and bright, not to dwell on what is not immediately optimistic. When did we start believing that “darkness” is synonymous with “negative?” Do we realize that when we ask people to simply move on from grief or pain or heartbreak we are really asking them to be less human?

In this season of stripping away past belief systems and other people’s ideas, I have found a newfound freedom in investigating and sitting in the bittersweet moments and seasons. I’m feeling content in these doubtful shadows and swimming in their darker depths, wading into the emotions to be felt and wrestling with the questions they bring. Really, I’m feeling more human.

What I’m making are more of these beautifully moody, joyously melancholic discoveries of grays and colors, darkness and light. I am finding more brilliant unions of both hope and struggle, pain and happiness. What powerful, limitless gifts this beautiful, bittersweet life brings.